Memo from the Desk of Learning Things The Hard Way
Do you ever feel like you write and study and query and revise but aren’t getting any nearer to publication? That the skill level, body of work or following you aim to achieve is a distant speck on your horizon?
A few years ago, I was at my writing desk and cracked open the book Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen. The book was a beautiful blend of captivating writing, spectacular voice, charming wit, depth and heart. After about an hour, I stopped reading. Part of me couldn’t put it down; part of me couldn’t read any more. It was a beautifully crafted, engrossing reminder that my own writing sucked. I nearly broke the mouse punching the exit button on my always-open novel document. Then I took a deep breath and heard a little voice saying NO ONE expects my first novel to be as good as Sara Gruen’s NYT bestseller.
No one except Camille.
Brilliant, captivating writing sets the bar high, and I like that. In fact, I like a bar set so high my nose bleeds just squinting to see it. I love an impossible challenge when it comes to writing well. Do you? But somewhere in all that bleeding and straining to reach higher, dissatisfaction with my skills became a debilitating road block, a discouraging heckler from the sidelines.
You’re delusionial.
You’re never going to be good enough to break in.
You’re mediocre and always will be.
Quite frankly, you suck.
Every author was once a newbie, every graduate an underclassman, every craftsman an apprentice. Guess what? You’re allowed to stare off into the distance at your desired destination—as long as looking ahead doesn’t trip you up where you’re at today. When the writer/editor/artist you want to be eludes you, maybe you’re looking too far ahead. Maybe watching the horizon is slowly crippling you from ever reaching that place. Ask yourself this: Are you better at your craft than you were last month? Last year? A decade ago? I bet you are.
Content But Not Complacent
Eventually, I found out I wasn’t Sara Gruen. Imagine my surprise. In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to be Sara Gruen. I also discovered that after all that straining and reaching higher, I had grown as a writer. For me, staggering genius is still a speck on the horizon, a glint on the high bar. And I still aim for it, nose bleeds and all. I, like my current novel, am a work in progress. You may be aiming for your own speck on the horizon, your own dream of success or accomplishment, and while you should never stop
aiming, you need to give yourself permission to be here, today, right now. To be content in the midst of reaching, content but not complacent, right where you are.
Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them. -Joseph Joubert
No one is born a best-selling author. The only writers certain to fail at publication are those who quit. The truth is it takes a lot of patience to wait for the day when your natural talent pans out and proves to be sheer genius, especially if that day is still a distant gleam on the horizon. The trick is to wait patiently but actively. Pursuing excellence by writing, studying, reading, querying, listening, collecting rejections, receiving instruction and advice, honing, querying again, and working every day toward that high bar. You may never be Sara Gruen. (What?!?!) But you will become a far better writer in the process as you stretch out and reach beyond you.
Regardless how far I’ve come and how far I have yet to go, I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to be where I am right now (while pinching my nostrils and pressing an ice pack to my forehead). So please don’t quit! Aim for excellence but also graciously give yourself permission to be right where you are today.
Peace to you, wherever you are! ~Camille
Q: Are you easily discouraged by the better art, better work, better performance of another? Or do you allow dissatisfaction to motivate you to keep working on your craft? Are you content with where you are, but not complacent? It’s a tough balance. Have you found it?
WordServe Water Cooler 
WOW! What incredible words of encouragement. I love encouragement best when it comes with practical advice and down to earth reality. You are truly a gifted writer. Thank you for a little breath of fresh air.
Camille,
WOW! If this post is any indication of your writing talent, I have no doubt you’ll be a successful novelist. You have a great voice.
I don’t know if I’m ever content but I am more peaceful doing my part and letting God do the rest. I do look to my writing heroes to grow. When I’m stuck, I’ll crack open a Dean Koontz novel to see how a master does it.
Thank you Jordyn, and same here on watching the masters. I keep reminding myself that the Master Author who gave the desire to write also gives the strength to follow through. Love that!
So, so many good points in this blog post, Camille.
“Content but not complacent.” Great summary.
And your use of the high bar analogy reminded me of a T-shirt slogan that I adopted as my mom mantra. It goes: “When at first you don’t succeed, lower the bar.”
When I talk to other moms about this T-shirt (I don’t wear it, I just tell them the saying!), I assure them I am not advocating lousy, “who cares?” parenting.
What I’ve realized is that so often I trip over my own vaulting ambitions (pun intended.) I’ve set the bar too high. My expectations are unrealistic. It’s okay to shoot for the moon–if you’re Neil Armstrong.
To be content but not complacent I have to learn who I am as a writer–my strengths and my weaknesses–and then aim accordingly.
I love the phrase, “Content but not complacent”. It applies so well to everything, our writing, our personal achievements,and our spiritual walk with God. This was a great – and very honest – reminder of that for all of us. Thank you.
This article also made me think of how editors see our work. Do they have different expectations for first time novelists? I realize we all still have to have a great, well-told story, but hopefully our skills will grow and mature as we write, so anything I might (please!) publish in five years would hopefully be much better than anything I’m doing right now. Does this question make sense? Hope so! If not, I am still encouraged by this post. 🙂 Thank you so much!
Right, editors are looking first for a great, well-written story, but I think they also understand the potential in writers who work hard. Rachelle has worked both as an editor and an agent and often talks about seeing in her clients the potential, spotting that combo of talent, skill and persistence that keeps a writer moving toward that next great work. It is a process. I just have to remember at times to enjoy it. 🙂
Brilliant, Camille. I know what it’s like to feel crippled by perfectionism and comparison. Better to make it the fuel that inspires. Great reminder.
What a wonderful, heartfelt post, Camille. As you said, comparing ourselves to other writers only serves to discourage us and feed those debilitating doubts. What I try to remember is that I’m a work-in-progress, just like my stories, and that I’m only called to be the best me I can be.
I believe I WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR LONG BEFORE I HAVE MY BOOK BE PUBLISHED’ ONE MAY WONDER HOW MANY YEARS IT TOOK ME TO HAVE MY FIRST ARTICLE,,,,,,,,,THANKS ALOT FOR THE PIECE
Thanks for the great tips Camille. Recognizing that the frustration of not being where I long to be can be keeping me from being where I actually am. Remembering that every great craftsman began at the beginning, and it is is ok to be a newbie is very helpful. Thanks for the encouragement!
Incredibly real and very encouraging. Thanks for sharing! I am a newbie with a natural tendency to be too hard on myself. I get easily frustrated when I don’t feel I am learning the craft quickly enough. Thankfully I have cheerleaders in my life…those close to me, like my sister and those I’ve never met, such as yourself. There are times when I am content but not complacent. They usually come after the encouragement reminds me that I am doing the best I can with the skills I have. That, in turn, motivates me to keep learning and writing. Love your article! Thanks and blessings, Erica
I’m glad you are able to find encouragement all around, Erica, that’s huge. And that’s exactly why we started this blog – for mutual encouragement, a place where people “get” us and can help hold each other up when the road seems too long or too rocky. We’re in this together!
What encouraged my most about your post was the simple, yet profound line that “every author was once a newbie.”
Thank you for reminding me!
Great stuff, Camille. My pastor said that once – content but not complacent. I love it. It’s really stuck. I’m usually super inspired when I read a masterpiece. It freaks me out a little, yes, but mostly is makes me want to keep learning and growing and writing so I can maybe someday create something as beautiful.
On a funny side note, I swear I’m the only writer alive who did not LOVE Water for Elephants. I enjoyed it, but it took me forever to get into. Just goes to show how subjective this is!
No, you’re not, Katie. 🙂
Ditto. I don’t even think I finished it. But anyway, I think the point Camille has made is well taken. I can SO relate! I used to compare myself all the time to other, better, best selling authors. Authors who’d been writing for years. It’s an easy trap to fall into I suppose. In the end, it’s not only damaging to your own writing, it can be destructive to your soul. All good lessons are learned the hard way I find. While I am not completely comfortable in my own writing skin yet, I am getting there. The more I write the better I get, the better I get, the better I feel. As the saying goes, “To thine own self be true.”
At the time I read WFE, it was the writing itself that stuck out as a glaring difference to my own. I’ve since read books that wow me with their beauty, but I find myself enjoying the awe and letting the masterful prose seep into my little writer brain rather than compare and mope. Most of the time. 😀
Beautifully written post. It is as though you know me, have been inside my head and know exactly how I feel. And YES, I am inspired and motivated by the works of genius i come across … and you know what, I have often found the people that created those works are quite humble.
Beautifully written post. It is as though you know me, have been inside my head and know exactly how I feel. And YES, I am inspired and motivated by the works of genius i come across … and you know what, I have often found the people that created those works are quite humble.
Sounds like we have the same heckler.
Here’s what I’ve been learning lately…I want, oh do I want my work to be read by many. I desire to establish that solid connection through my words…my work. But I’m learning if my work never gets out there (playing my own devil’s advocate) I can still be in love with writing and improving my craft. And here’s another wild one…my art is still just as treasured by God. Blows me away the things He teaches me sometimes.
And in the meantime, I’m rooting for my work to get out there. 😉
~ Wendy
Your encouraging post brought a smile to my eyes, Camille. Yes, I’ve been there. I moped and I whined and I complained — BUT — I kept writing.
Now when I read prose that makes me breathless with longing to write as well as the amazing author whose work I’m reading, I use that as fuel to up the bar. Good writing now encourages me and draws me to my keyboard to find the beautiful words tucked in my heart and mind.
Write on, friends!
Excellent post, Camille! I don’t get overly discouraged but I def. have my nosebleed moments. In particular with the book The Thirteenth Tale and The Book Thief. The writing and pacing of both books blew me away and I turned slightly green. *grin* But those are books I want on my shelf, just to look at. lol
I am a lifelong reader of great authors and that is still so important to me that I make reading time every day, no matter how busy I am. Since I’ve started writing (historical novel) and more to the point learning the writing craft, I, too, have experienced that green gut feeling that my writing will never be as compelling as Margaret Laurence’s. Or Sharon Kay Penman’s. Or Sara Gruen’s. My eyes popped wide open as I read you have the same feeling. Thanks for writing this post, Camille!
So grateful for and encouraged by this post, Camille. Thank you for your honesty!
You talk of a voice in your head. It reminds me of an article I read the other day about a man diagnosed with a type of schizophrenia after many years of thinking just about everyone he met was saying terrible things about him. In one particular conversation after hearing the voice, he asked the person to whom he was speaking if they too had heard it. The perplexing response assured him that he alone had heard the words. Profoundly moved and changed with this speck of self awareness, his intellect coupled with his resolve, altered the course of his life and from that moment on he was never the same. Notwithstanding any diagnosis, (although sometimes I think I’m certifiable!) the practice of continual prayer has raised the decibels of the Father’s voice and the other voice is finding it difficult to compete.
I like that, Charlene. It helps to be selective about the voices we listen to. 🙂 And I agree – the more time we spend with God, the more likely we are to hear what we need to hear and are able to tune out what we don’t!
Thank you. It feels like a continuous battle, and there are days that I am on the verge of saying, “I quit!” But it’s posts like this, and other things that come about that tell me I shouldn’t.
A pray constantly that I do not take the easy way out.
Thank you.
Sorry, typo correction:
I pray constantly that I do not take the easy way out.
Oops, I thought you were Sara Gruen :-))
Great writing inspires me, but it’s more like it seeps into my pores and subconscious as I linger over a phrase and hunger to be a better writer. Craft books/critiques show me how to make my own writing better. I need both – the longing and the practical.
Love the way you string words and thoughts together, Camille! You’ve inspired me today with your own great writing!
Carla – who new you were a comedienne. 😀
I love that – recognizing the different ways we learn and grow, both by study and osmosis. Your writing makes me hunger too, and in a good way. Keep ’em coming!
Thanks, I needed that!
Great post, Camille. After I read a great book, I stay away – far, far away – from the delete key. Thanks for sharing!
Camille – What an encouragement! Sometimes I feel so close I can touch the publication rainbow and sometimes I am so discouraged it feels a hundred miles away. I needed this today. I know I’m better today than ever before and you gave me permission to recognize that. Thanks!
Thanks for the kind words! From time to time we all need a gentle boost. We want this to be a place where we can find what we need, here amongst friends.
Camille, thanks for such an incredible, encouraging post! Thanks for drawing a clear analogy that we are never called to write just like someone else, but we are most certainly called to hone the gift and voice that we have been given. I’m printing this out so that one day when I get my first set of edits, I won’t chuck the whole mess in File 13. 🙂
At my writer’s group a few days ago, I found myself envying the distinctive and quirky voice of another writer’s work. I left the meeting doubting my ability and wondering if my style was the least bit unique. You reminded me that the best I can do is to do the best I can do–today. But my best can get better! Thanks, Camille!
The balance for me seems to lie between knowing that my talent has boundaries, but that God demands and deserves my best. Reading wonderful writers helps. Encouragement helps. Practice helps a lot. But most of all, growing my life in Christ, where it encompasses so much more than just my life as a writer, helps the most.
I hate that sinking certainty that creeps over me when I read truly great writing that my own efforts will never be anywhere close to that level. And yet, I take comfort in the fact that every writer has experienced that feeling. Angela Hunt reminds writers that we’re all ‘muddling in the middle’ that some are farther ahead of us on this journey and some are coming along behind, but there is always room to improve, to strive to be better, and to encourage each other on the way. Your post sure encouraged me today.
I have felt the same many times. I feel this hatred for my own writing when I try to revise or read my own book. I do not know if anyone else feels this way, but has anyone really hated…i mean reaaallly hated their book when they revise?? I struggle so hard not to tear it up and start fresh. I keep reminding myself how I fell in love with my story when I was writing the first draft. That keeps me going and the fact that some day I am going to write as good as bestseller. 🙂 Thanks for the post. It is very timely. You guessed it right. I am revising!
When I read a book I really love I always sigh and say I wish I could write like that. there are many times I read a book and think, I wouldn’t have ended it like that it would have been better if she would have.. I know I am growing and improving every day and I also know one day someone will read on my books and love it and it will all be worth it. I just hope it is not ten years down the road. I have five manuscripts that are finished. How many will be sitting in my computer by then? I just love to write.
Great writing motivates me. A good book is a personal coaching session. I keep a notebook with me at all times. When I read a clever play on words, I write it down. Later, I play around with the words I’ve collected to see if I can creat word pictures relevant to my non-fiction (without plagiarizing).
As a result, my writing and verbal communications skills continue to improve. I’m usually content with where I am as long as I’m growing.
Camille, I will join the others in saying you have a beautiful voice. It is a balance to pursue growth and excellence, and yet staying true the uniqueness God has given each of us. Thank your for your encouraging post.
“He who travels in search of something which he has not got, travels away from himself and grows old even in youth among old things.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
What a heartfelt and evocative post, Camille. It doesn’t matter how far along the road we seem to others–I don’t think most of us will ever feel that our writing is as good as we would like it to be. And as you say, all of us have moments when we think we’re the stupidest, worst writers ever born. 🙂
Part of the beauty of writing lies in its infinite challenge. We have to accept our failure and imperfection from the very beginning to even attempt it.
Amen! 🙂 I think writers are prone to tread through one of two dangerous camps, we can be either delusional or disillusioned. Either way, we need to hear the truth and be honest with ourselves, whether that means to lighten up, or wise up, or both. 😀
A very timely post, thanks for your words. I believe writers struggle no matter the “stage” of where we are on this path. Mine isn’t so much the writing itself, but the time. Family is priority, and we often have a grown child or grandchild who needs us, so it takes time to listen and give of ourselves. All of life is in the timing ordained by God.
Great rainbow picture, I have a rainbow story of my own.
Any time we compare ourselves to someone else, we head for the edge of the cliff. That is why God made us like snowflakes, each different, each with our own beauty, talents, visions, and desires. When we keep our eyes on our goals, the rest stays tucked behind our peripheral vision where it can’t hurt us. Lovely post, Camille.
Aim for excellence but also graciously give yourself permission to be right where you are today. –fantastic word of wisdom! Yes, I have literally felt ill in Barnes and Noble and wretched the words: I shouldn’t even try to add a single word to this huge pile! But another writer, older, wiser told me: Every story has been told but there are stories that need to be told again from your perspective, your experience and your voice. Those words changed me.
This is an incredibly helpful post, Camille. I can appreciate what you and others here have said. I’m trying to be content but not complacent, too. I realize that like myself the learning and applying the craft is a work in progress. Thanks for your clarity and your honesty in writing this today.
Pat
Wow, if the number of comments on this post is any indication of the success in your future, you’re going to roar past the stars and right on out of the milky way!
I think every writer wants to do more, be more, write that one brilliant work. I wrote about Lucy Maud Montgomery (author of Anne of Green Gables) in my current book, O Canada! Her Story. Lucy never felt she attained the elite status of being a great author because she wasn’t publishing serious, literary fiction for adults. But what if she had given up and not tried? Just think of the wonderful characters we would have missed out on!
I, too, struggle with desiring to be more like a Camille Eide instead of a Karla Akins. I adore books like Gruen’s and now that The Help has made it to the screen, (another book I adored from the first sentence), I wonder — when will I ever be so clever?
But if we’re all writing the same kind of stuff, then we won’t reach everyone who needs to be reached. We’re all different flavors and I need to learn to appreciate my flavor just as much Eide’s and Montgomery’s and all the other greats.
Love you Camille! Soooo proud to know you!
(PS I kind of like to think I’m among the first to have recognized that remarkable voice of yours. Told you so! :-P)
Camille, your words here are precious and priceless. After recently finishing the writing of a novel I really like, I’ve been feeling paralyzed to start the next one–even though it’s plotted & my characters are all named and “interviewed.” I’m
simply afraid I suck, so why bother with another one, right? RIGHT?!?!? Thank you for your wisdom, honesty & encouragement. Oh, and I loved Elephants, too. And then I felt even more suckish after finishing Unbroken last week.
Sigh…..
Thank you for such an honest post. I can relate to this in every single way. My search for one very lucky but hard to find agent depresses me (hint-hint all you agents out there). I used to rely on the bookstore and the library to lift my spirits. Now, they are minefields for my already battered ego. I dared to pick up A Visit From the Goon Squad… and put it back down again in tears. “I’ll never be like this.” But, as you say, I never should be like Jennifer Egan. I need to be like me, and maybe one day, some woeful would-be writer will pick up my work and the cycle continue.
So many wonderful things have already been said, but I would add this…I can identify with the nose bleed striving! That’s one of the reasons I love classical literature…the writing is exquisite; there’s no “best seller” competition with authors long gone, and I can just relish the words.
Needed to hear this today. Especially since I’ve found myself teetering on the edge of giving up a lot here lately.
Thanks for the words eloquently written. =0)
Excellent article! It’s very motivating and encouraging. I don’t get frustrated with comparisons. I’ve always been content to do my own thing, but that’s not to say I don’t sit back and envy the hard work of others. Variety is what makes the world such a wonderful place–reading would be boring if every author had the same style and voice! Yours is great, by the way. 🙂 Very fun to read.
Best of luck to you in all that you do!
Camille,
You were talking right to me today! Thanks for the great perspective and congratulations on the new blog.
Christina
SO glad I’m not the only frustrated perfectionist out there. Knowing this will help us keep each other in mind when we are struggling with discontent! I’m also glad the Lord gives strength to follow through on the things he calls us to do!
& Thanks for all the kind words!
There’s freedom im giving yourself permission to be who and where you are. Water for Elephants started out as a Nanowrimo novel.
Really!! I’m hooked… need to hear the rest of that.
🙂
-Camille
I love the Joseph Joubert quote, but the one I’m going to remember: “The only writers certain to fail at publication are those who quit.”– Camille Eide.
My current status: Beating self up for not being where I wanted to be before this last weekend’s writing conference, for not being like those I admire who have far more on their plate and still are knocking out novels that are doing well.
Aquiring new status: That’s them. I just need to get back to my story and not quit. Because it’ll never get in a reader’s hand if it’s never finished.
Thank you.