About kathryngraves

Kathryn has a B.A. in Psychology and has been a pastor's wife for over 25 years. She and her husband are the parents of two grown sons and a daughter-in-law. She is a writer and speaker whose goal is to help others discover the treasures of wisdom and knowledge in Christ Jesus. Her publishing credits include CBN.com, Drama Ministry, a story in an Essence compilation book, and Kansas/Nebraska Baptist Digest. She is available to speak to women's groups.

Speaking and Writing

pet-990365_640

The backs of my knees felt sweaty. My stomach heaved. I caught my breath in quick, short hiccups, even though I tried to slow it down. My notecards stared up at me from my desk as if mocking the very idea that I planned to stand up in front of the class and speak.

My idea seemed perfect when I planned it at home. But that day in class, my plans fell apart. Or rather, ran apart.

The assignment was to demonstrate something I knew how to do. I couldn’t think of anything special that I knew about and my classmates didn’t. However, I was an expert on cats and their care. And my cat took a regular pill that only I was able to get down his throat. I decided to show how I accomplished this feat.

Except my cat had other ideas. We didn’t own a pet carrier back in the day, so my mother wrapped our unsuspecting kitty in a towel and drove him to my school. Everything proceeded according to the plan until she approached the front doors with him in her arms.

Then the bell rang.

You know what happened next. That’s right, the cat leaped out of her arms and dashed away. But in his confusion, he ran toward the building instead of away from it. At that instant, somebody inside happened to open the door and he ran through it, down the hall, and into the first classroom with an open door. My English classroom.

While waiting for class to begin, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a brown blur fly in through the door and across the floor to the overhead projector cart. My heart took an immediate elevator ride to my stomach. I identified the blur in those spit seconds.

After quieting the resulting uproar in the classroom, the teacher suggested I be the last speaker in order to give my kitty time to settle down.  By the time she called my name, the cat sat purring in my lap. But my nerves refused to settle until after the dreaded speech.

I received an A on that speech, probably more for bravery in going through with it than the quality. But a cloud of terror hovered over me when I even thought about public speaking for years afterward.

When I realized that writers also need to speak, it was almost enough to make me give up on writing.

However, today, I love to speak. What changed? I took some deliberate steps that you can take, too, if speaking is just not your thing.

  1. I sought good training. I had attended CLASS writing conferences, so a CLASS Speaker Training seemed like the logical next step. It made all the difference in my confidence level.
  2. I found a topic I am passionate about. When your topic makes a difference in people’s lives, and you know they need to hear it, you become motivated to speak it.
  3. I added some fun and some bling. Nobody wants to listen to a boring speaker. When I worked for Premier Designs Jewelry, I learned how to bring the party. I incorporated some of those ideas into my speaking. I ask questions the audience is probably thinking of, and then tell them how to find the answers. I use visual aids. I create vivid mental images with my words–just like when I write. I employ humor. I tell stories. Someone has said that if you can make an audience laugh and then make them cry, they’ll never forget what you spoke about.
  4. I practice.
  5. I make sure I look good. There is an amazing level of confidence that comes from knowing you look your best.
  6. I Pray. If the message is from the Lord, and you ask Him to bless it, He will.

Does public speaking terrify you–or at least make you nervous? If so, take comfort in my story, and employ my tips. You might even learn to like it.

KathrynGraves speaks and writes about beauty in all areas of life. Her website and blog is Chasing Beautiful and can be found at KathrynGraves.com. 

Photo: Pixabay

 

 

Advertisements

Dreaming and the Creative Writing Process

The clock by my bed read 3:30 a.m. when I jerked awake. I fought to untangle my legs from the sheets while trying to clear the fog from my brain. Why did I wake up? I wondered. I shuffled into the kitchen to make a cup of hot tea and as I inhaled the fragrant steam, a story formed in my mind.

Grabbing a pen and notebook, I settled into my favorite comfy chair and watched the story appear on the paper. My hand was doing the writing, but the words flowed from an inner place in my mind that I didn’t realize was even there.

Most writers have experienced something similar. I wanted to know how the process works, so I did a bit of research. I discovered that dreaming is a known quantity in the creative writing process.

In her book, Writers Dreaming: Twenty-six Writers Talk About Their Dreams and the Creative Process, Naomi Epel says many “famous authors . . . all discuss the nature and significance that dreams play in their writing.” Dreaming and writing are not only a natural combination, but an effective one as well.

Many writers try to get into a semi-dream state in order to create. Carol Gift Page described this process in a class she taught at writer’s conferences.

Donald M. Murray, in his book, Write to Learn, asserts that writers don’t know what they know until they write it. He says the best way to write is to blurt an idea out onto the page no matter how tangled up or mangled it may appear. Then he instructs writers to begin to shape it into something beautiful using the tools of the craft.

My ideas seem to lurk in my subconscious mind waiting for the right moment to jump into my conscious stream of thought. Most often this happens while I am sitting in front of a computer, but sometimes it happens in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning.

Jesus Christ is the Creator creating through me. He creates the stories and I obey by writing them down. In Psalm 45:1 God says, “My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” (NKJV) The dream state is when He is able to by-pass myself and my own thoughts to place His ideas into my imagination.

Isaiah 26:3 says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose imagination is stayed on Thee.” (RSV) When we allow Jesus Christ to harness our imaginations, we’ll have the ideas He gives us. Then, when we use our minds to focus on the details, the whole project is brought into subjection to Him and Jesus is glorified, which is the real reason for writing.

The next time I wake up with a story pushing for release, I’ll know where it came from. And I’ll rejoice that I am being used for the Father’s plan. God gives the inspiration, and he expects me to do the work of crafting it into good writing. Then he will work out his plan for the piece. I can trust him.

Writing About Suffering

One recent evening, a friend told me about her stepmother’s stage 4 cancer, asking for advice on ways to help her. The next morning, I received word another friend was killed in a car wreck. That evening, a different friend’s granddaughter’s baby was admitted to the hospital in an unresponsive state following a seizure. It was an emotional 24 hours. But one reason these friends talked to me about their issues is that they’ve walked with me through my own.

Lessons Learned

Have you ever noticed that when you’re about to write or teach a spiritual lesson, you walk through circumstances that make you confront your own handling of said spiritual lesson? It happens to me almost every week. I teach a weekly Bible study class and I promise you, whatever the lesson is about, I faced it during the previous week!

There is a good reason for this. It’s called authenticity. Nobody wants to listen to a Pollyanna who has never gone through tough circumstances preach about how to handle them. We all know this, but still it can be so easy to spout platitudes or quote Scriptures that seem to say everything will turn out okay.

The Right Approach

What is the right way to approach writing about suffering? Telling your personal story is a good place to start. Every one of us has faced some level of trauma or grief or physical suffering at some point in our lives. When we dare to talk about our deep hurts, it opens our readers’ hearts to hear the rest of our message because they feel a connection to us. We become real when we become vulnerable.

Reward

Therein lies the rub, as they say. It is terrifying to bare your soul to strangers. I submit to you that it may be the most difficult thing you ever do. It may also be the most rewarding thing you ever do. When I share my struggles with those I teach, an inner tension releases that I previously didn’t even know existed. And the connections I make with my class members are priceless. A bond is created that allows for more receptivity on their part.

Respect

I need to add a caveat here. Some things cannot be shared in a public forum. When there are other people involved who might be hurt or embarrassed, we must keep the situation private. We might be able to refer to it in generic terms, but we can in no way include anything that would identify them. The only exception would be if prior permission is granted.

Transparent Honesty

Readers don’t sit in a classroom with us each week and we’ll never know or hear about most of them. But they will listen to us when they read our message and learn the truth we’ve shared when they know we aren’t just spouting words–that we have lived the truth of what we say.

Do you have a message to share that involves difficulty or suffering? How ready are you to be transparent with your readers?

holzfigur-980784_1280