Category: Writer’s Life

Posted on

The Power of People Watching

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”
Henry David Thoreau

FFISummer092253Almost four years ago, I stood in an apartment parking lot with twenty-three strangers from all over the country. We made awkward conversation, silently sizing one another up and wondering how people so different would ever survive a semester together.

That summer was the best of my life with some of the most unique personalities I’ve ever had the privilege to know. In class, we studied personalities, strengths and weaknesses, character, opinions, and worldview. I knew how each person reacted in the midst of passion, anger, joy, or grief. I knew struggles and victories. Our common denominator was a desire to lead and a heart for the Lord.

And I had to know my characters the same way.

Through these people and because of that summer, I had ideas to propel me into my first book. My characters took on the physical traits and personality of one of my roommates. My supporting characters share names in common with some of the guys.

The best characters are the ones the reader can relate to as a close friend, soul mate, enemy, or victim. The best stories emerge from the people, places, and experiences around us.FFISummer090523

Spending night and day with these people for two months taught me the beautiful complexity of people’s stories. It also taught me the depth of people. The best stories come from people watching, from intimately engaging in life, and embracing the good and bad.

As I work on my current WIP, I watch the people around me. I study emotional reactions, goofy quirks, language patterns, clothing style, facial expressions, and character. Slowly, my characters take shape on the page. Fair warning: if you are in my vicinity, one of your odd habits may make it into my book.

As writers, we tend to isolate. Or at least some of us do. We are content to people watch without interacting. Big problem. As Thoreau said, writing is flat if the writer has not lived.

Get out of your chair. Abandon your laptop. Spend time with friends and family. Sit at your favorite park or Starbucks. Take a note pad and record people’s conversations. Listen to the words they use, how they form sentences. Interact with the guy behind the counter or the people walking their dogs. Engage them in conversation.

Live and live well. Abundantly and fully. Engage with people intimately, not for the sake of a story or character, but because every person we cross paths with has a story that can teach us something about life and the Lord and yes, even writing.

People are weird and quirky and complex. We all have different personalities and reactions. People are full of surprises and opinions. Fashion your characters that way, too. God created people in His own image. Fall in love with them. Embrace the uniqueness. Embrace your uniqueness. Then write with eyes wide open, heart full, and a mind overflowing with memories to make your stories rich.

Have you people watched lately?

Posted on

Goals?!?

NewYearDayIt’s that time of year where we set goals to make up for the mistakes we made the previous year grow as people. Isn’t that really what New Year’s resolutions are all about? Giving up some of those vices (like eating too much chocolate) for better health or starting down a path toward a dream we’ve held maybe too privately close because speaking it out load would actually mean we would need to do something about it.

Hmm . . .

I have to confess . . . I do make New Year’s resolutions every year. I can’t say that I’m all that good working on them but I still try. Maybe less than doing a New Year’s resolution, I believe in goal setting. I think it keeps us active in this life to be shooting for something . . . whatever it might be in your world. But I’ve learned some things along the way about setting goals that might help you achieve your goal(s) this coming year.

1. Have an overall dream (I’m going to finish my novel!) but then set smaller goals along the path.

For YEARS, I said I was going to finish my book but until I sat down and divided up that elephant into smaller achievable steps, it didn’t happen. What would get you there? Sometimes it’s hard to know HOW to actually do the work of finishing a novel so here’s what I’ve found and I’m not a super-speedy novelist.

Writing 1,000 words a day (when I’m not doing a 12 hour nursing shift) is fairly easy. Writing 2,000 words a day is my general maximum before my brain starts to meltdown. This word count should happen in about three hours (if you stay off social media and generally know what you’re going to write about.) Aim to write 20,000 words/month. Really, that’s just 10 days staying completely on task and getting 2,000 words on the page. Four months of JUST doing 10 days of 2,000 word counts and you have a first draft! Don’t edit yourself. Just get the words on the page. You can’t edit an empty page. And now you have an 80,000 word NYT Bestseller document that will need a lot of work–but you DID IT!

2. Make the goal realistic for you and your life.

I’ve been working out with a personal trainer for a couple of years. I needed to lose some weight (a lot!) and knew I needed the accountability of another person to help me do it. I am almost to my goal and my trainer would like a much faster process than me. He set a CRAZY weight loss goal for December (hello, Christmas cookies) and in my mind I said, it’s not going to happen. And so, it didn’t happen. I did, though, achieve the smaller goal I set for myself. If what I outlined above makes your eyeballs glaze over, cut it in half or one quarter but just get started.

3. Have an accountability person.

It really does help. I’m not talking about a critique partner though those are good, too. What you need is just someone in your corner (thanks, Casey!) who will keep tabs on you and your goal. Send you an e-mail to ask if you’re making progress. Celebrate your victories by posting lots of these (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) on Facebook.

4. Don’t give up.

I was a person who used to give up easily. If I ate bad one day, the whole month could be shot. Everyone has bad days and doesn’t meet their goals. My trainer confessed to me just today about eating handfuls of chocolate covered raisins, pizza AND french fries which made me a little too joyful inside BUT he’s already back in the gym. When you fall off the path . . . the next day . . . sit back down and get back to it. Life happens but don’t let it run you over.

5. CELEBRATE!

As you’re traveling down whatever goal path you’ve set for 2013, celebrate the small achievements (making that monthly word count goal) and the big achievement (Yes, I DID finish that novel!) with lots of chocolate and responsible drinking exercise and then do it again.

Set another goal.

So, what about you? What’s one goal, writing or otherwise, that you have for 2013? How are you going to achieve it?

Posted on

Facing a Fickle Crowd?

When Jesus finished telling these stories, he left there, returned to his hometown, and gave a lecture in the meetinghouse. He made a real hit, impressing everyone. “We had no idea he was this good!” they said. “How did he get so wise, get such ability?” But in the next breath they were cutting him down: “We’ve known him since he was a kid; he’s the carpenter’s son. We know his mother, Mary. We know his brothers James and Joseph, Simon and Judas. All his sisters live here. Who does he think he is?” They got their noses all out of joint.

But Jesus said, “A prophet is taken for granted in his hometown and his family.” He didn’t do many miracles there because of their hostile indifference. (Matt. 13:53-58 MSG)

Do you ever want to run and hide from criticism or rejection? If you’ve ever spoken to a crowd, taught a small group, written for publication, or communicated your faith in any way, you may have faced a fickle crowd. And you might identify with this story from Matthew 13.

I noticed a few helpful truths in this passage.

  • Jesus used stories to communicate.
  • People praised Him at times.
  • People also criticized Him.
  • Jesus stayed in tune with His audience.
  • Jesus moved on, when criticized.

Facing criticism and rejection. Reading the account of how Jesus handled this crowd reminds me of an event from my past.  

When my close friend, Sara, invited me to her Sunday School class, I hesitated, uncertain if I would fit in. But since her friend, Glenda, taught the class, I agreed to visit.

Hoping I found the right place, I slipped in the door and scanned the room for a familiar face. No one seemed to notice that I had entered. I found a seat close to the door, in case I needed to make a quick exit. I fiddled with my purse, hoping my insecurity would not be obvious.

I got up the nerve to survey the room again, and my eyes met Glenda’s cold stare. I looked back down at my purse, pretending to search for something, as I questioned myself. Am I in the right place? Is this a closed group? Have I done something to offend her? Maybe I’m reading her wrong.

As I fought the urge to escape, I gripped the edge of the cold, metal seat and leaned forward just as Sara walked in the door. Her warm smile calmed my nerves. And as she sat down in the empty chair next to me, I found the courage to stay.

Pleasing people? After several painful interactions with Glenda over the next few months, I listened to some sound advice from my husband Dan: “Some people just aren’t going to like you.”

What seemed to be common sense to Dan, took me by surprise. Up to that time, I believed that I could always find some way to make people like me. I had been successful at pleasing people most of my life—until I met Glenda. She decided that she wasn’t going to like me. Why? Who knows? I could do nothing, but forgive her and move on.

Facing a new year. I realize that I will always face fickle crowds. And I am still tempted to try to make them like me. But the Bible assures me of God’s unconditional love.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:38-39)

I also hope to remember the example that Jesus gives us in Matthew 13 the next time I face a fickle crowd. So, as I prepare to meet the challenges of a new year, I plan to …

  • Continue to tell the stories that matter most.
  • Offer thanks for the praise I receive.
  • Ask for God’s help to deal with criticism.
  • Stay in tune with my audiences.
  • Move on, when criticized.

 What helps you, when you face a fickle audience? 

Posted on

Awaiting the Unexpected

Christmas star“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given…” Isaiah 9:6

What a joyful event we will celebrate in just a few more days! As I have every year for as long as I can remember, I’ve spent these December weeks busily preparing for Christmas. I bake the holiday breads and Christmas cookies my family loves. I deck the halls with our traditional decorations, hang the stockings, trim the tree, wrap the presents. I spend extra time in prayer, stash bills in the bellringers’ buckets, and listen for the cherished carols that herald the day of our Redeemer’s birth.

I know how to prepare because I know what to expect, and what a blessing that is!

But the Israelites to whom Jesus came were expecting a different kind of messiah. Instead of a baby in a manger, they were waiting for a political leader, a king who would rally the troops, drive out the Roman overlords, and establish an earthly nation. Only the shepherds in a field were privy to a miraculous birth; summoning the courage to open their hearts to the words of angels, they followed a star to go to Bethlehem, where they found the Lord himself. Instead of a political ruler, they adored a Child who assures us, “Behold, I make all things new.” (Rev. 21:5)

I think that’s what births are about – making things new. Whether it has been the literal birth of one of my own five children, or the beginning of a new phase in my life, these events change what I have previously known, and often have shattered the expectations I had beforehand of what the birth would bring. I’ve learned that the richest – and holiest – experiences result when I’m open to whatever God brings me, and that, thankfully, God will never be limited by my own  expectations of what I think should be.

As a writer, this same courage to open my heart to God’s leading has shaped my writing career. I studied and trained to write scholarly works of spirituality, but instead, I’ve found a niche in humorous cozy mysteries, of all things! The journey and the rewards I’ve experienced have far exceeded anything I could have imagined, bringing me a rich new life I hadn’t anticipated. I’ve learned to toss out my own expectations, and instead, enjoy what God creates anew for me.

In these final days before Christmas, as I wait again for Jesus to be born in that stable, I pray that each of us will take a moment from our well-loved rituals of preparation to courageously open our hearts, and, without any expectation, receive what God has in store for us.

“…And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

May your Christmas make all things new!

Do your expectations prevent you from seeing something totally new and unexpected?

Posted on

It’s A Christmas Parade!

As our treat to our wonderful WaterCooler Readers, we thought we’d do another blog parade. Each of our authors below is blogging about their Writer’s Wish List. Hmm . . . I know I’m intrigued to see what’s on these lists. Funny? Quirky? Serious?

I don’t know . . . you’ll have to click on the links to find out!

1. Lucille Zimmerman
Blog Link: http://www.lucillezimmerman.com/2012/12/10/ape-author-publisher-entrepreneur-how-to-publish-a-book-by-guy-kawasaki-shawn-welch-a-book-review/

2. Janalyn Voigt
Blog Link: http://janalynvoigt.com/one-authors-christmas-wish

3. Kimberly Vargas
Blog Link: http://www.kimberlyvargasauthor.com/?p=241

4. Cheryl Ricker
Blog Link: http://www.cherylricker.com/2012/12/smells-and-whistles/

5. Jordyn Redwood
Blog Link: http://jordynredwood.blogspot.com/2012/12/wishing.html

6. Melissa K. Norris
Blog Link: http://melissaknorris.com/?p=1351

7. Gillian Marchenko
Blog Link: http://wp.me/p2Ds6m-zA

8. Dr. Rita Hancock
Blog Link: http://edensfreedomsisters.ning.com/profiles/blogs/the-eden-diet-joins-a-blog-parade-find-out-how-to-win-dr-rita-s-b

9. Karen Jordan
Blog Link: http://karenbarnesjordan.com/a-writers-wish-list-grace-gifts

10. Kelli Gotthardt
log Link: http://www.kelligotthardt.com/1/post/2012/12/writers-wish-list.html

11: Jan Dunlap
Blog Link: http://jandunlap.com/2012/12/the-wishlist-of-a-writer/

12: Cindy Dagnan
Blog Link: http://cindydagnan.com/cindy-sigler-dagnan/2012/12/14/one-writer%E2%80%99s-wish-list/

13: Anita Brooks
Blog Link: http://brooksanita.com/a-writers-fantasy-wish-list

Merry Christmas!!

Posted on

Eat, Think, Praise!

Eat, Think, Praise!

The busyness of the season tends to breathe a cold chill on us until we remember who’s in charge of our hearts’ thermostats.

We are!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

Eat Jesus & Turn up the Heat!

“You are what you eat.”

Sometimes this saying echoes in my mind when I devour God’s Word, but mostly, I think of it when I’m reading one of a hundred Kindle books, and the Spirit calls for my attention.

Why is it so easy, so tempting, to fill up on Twinkie books at the expense of reading the Bible?

Satan reaches into his arsenal of distractions ~ even good ones ~ to keep us away from the gold mine.

The busier we are, the more we need a sweet retreat with Jesus. He warms our souls with the washing of His Word. He renews our minds and teaches us how to think, how to conform to His image ~ so we can reflect His love and maximize our impact on the world.

Think Jesus & Turn Down the Cold!

No thanks to television news, my imagination, and my neighbor’s yappy chihuahua, it takes effort to focus on the character of Jesus. But bless my heart when I do!  Because there’s no better thought in the world…

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

When I trudged into church with a bad mood one day, my pastor played a video by S. M. Lockridge, and my blahs didn’t stand a chance! Because when you feast on God’s goodness, He fans the flames of your passion. Your problems, worries, and fears shrink in the light of His flaming love. See for yourself how your perspective changes.

“He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere. He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s imperially powerful. He’s impartially merciful. He’s the sinner’s savior. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes…”

Praise Jesus & Keep it on Auto!

King David pulled off all stops on praise when he sang, danced, and worshipped with all his might. People thought he was out of his mind, but he was too focused on God to care!  Maybe it isn’t such a bad thing to be out of our minds ~ especially if they’re dragging us down.

David knew praise begins with an attitude of thankfulness.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise.” Psalm 100:4

During the rocky early years of my marriage, I didn’t feel like thanking God for my husband, but decided to thank Him anyway. I thanked God in my heart and I thanked him aloud to my husband. “Dwight, I’m thankful God gave you to me.” Sometimes I found it difficult to see something I was thankful for; but when I honestly started to look and I opened the eyes of my heart, I could always find something positive.

Inch by inch, my husband and I breathed God-praises into our marriage and watched God honor the fruit of our lips with restoration.

Perhaps we can start this praise habit by thanking God that we don’t need to settle for cold wintery hearts?

Thank you, God, that we can adjust our hearts’ thermostats by putting You first, and meditating on Your greatness! Thank you that we can place our highest expectations where they belong ~ on You, not on fallible people and circumstances.  And thank you that in Your presence, there is fullness of joy. When we break into praise, You allow us to gift ourselves (and the world) with happier, hot-for-Jesus hearts!

“Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

Merry Christmas!

Have you ever praised Jesus when you didn’t feel like it? What happened?

When it comes to eating, thinking, and praising Jesus, which of these will you do more of this Christmas season?

Posted on

She Never Had a Rejection?

hI once met a woman at a writers conference and, as writers often do, we began sharing what we’d written, what we hoped to improve on, perhaps publications we’d like to write for some day, editors we wanted to meet. The usual stuff. But when I talked about the last rejection note I’d received, this woman got a curious little smile on her face and sweetly said, “You know, I don’t typically say this out loud, but I’ve never ever gotten a rejection. . .not even once.”

That conference was a while ago, so I no longer remember where I hid the body.

But at the time, my snark-o-meter went on full alert, and I found myself thinking dozens of less-than-charitable thoughts.

Maybe she’s never submitted anything. That would sure hold down the rejection letters.

Maybe she’s writing for a very tight niche–like Amish women scuba divers–and she just happens to be one of three writers on the planet with the right contacts.

Maybe (and here’s where I sank to my lowest level of cynicism), maybe she’s sleeping with the editor. That’s because she’s married to him, and together they started a third-rate magazine and she provides 90% of the content with snappy pieces like “You, Ginseng Tea, and a Happier Colon.”

See, I told you I’d reached a new low.

Big sigh. God probably just sent her my way to improve my humility and compassion skills. Apparently I have a ways to go.

Here’s the thing—I think she was being sincere, and was possibly even surprised at her own good fortune. And she may well have written lovely and informative pieces for top-notch magazines. But the problem with her comment is that it’s the writer’s equivalent of winning the lottery. The real truth is, in the world of writing, if you’re not getting rejections, you’re just not in the game.

The publishing industry has a very steep learning curve. For much of it you’ve just got to get in there and start. I’m not saying you should skip the process of researching the publication ahead of time, spelling the editor’s name correctly, and fashioning your piece with their readers in mind. In other words, don’t ignore the process of learning craft and industry. But much of that learning will come from doing, failing, rethinking, and doing again. Almost every published author I know has at least one massive fail to their credit.

A rejection letter can mean many things, but the only sure thing it means is that you sent something in. So instead of seeing it as proof positive that you can’t write, consider other very likely scenarios such as:

  • The magazine had something like it recently.
  • The magazine has something like it already in the hopper and it’s working its way up.
  • The magazine has worked with a particular writer who’s been talking about doing something like this, and they’d rather take a chance on someone who has some history with the magazine.
  • Or maybe the piece was just too ______ [insert word of choice—edgy, tame, academic, casual, ecumenical, evangelical, rural, urban, prissy, intense] for their magazine’s style or their audience.

Learn to embrace rejections. Unless you plan to win the writers’ lottery, there’s simply no way to avoid them. In fact, they’re like a merit badge, proving you’re in the game. I’m not saying you’ll ever come to love them. But you can see them as useful. I, for one, open them, learn from them, and then use them to wallpaper my bathroom.

What about you? Do rejections bring you down, sometimes to the point that they impact your next submission?

Posted on

Build an Effective Social Media Platform: The First Step May Surprise You

My Front GardenI may be the only gardener who cheers when deer sample my tomatoes. I’ve tried to reform but to no success. Now I plant extra for the graceful beauties. As a gardener, I seem to do things backwards. Long after most people have hung up their trowels for the season, I can be found in my garden. I like to get a jump on weeds while they’re dormant, and when it’s wet outside they release their hold on the ground more easily.

Weeds can also invade my writing life and stand in the way of my building a platform. As in my garden, they can hide well, appearing to be something they’re not.

  • Voices from the past tell me what I can’t do.
  • Time constraints bind me.
  • Inertia overwhelms me.
  • Confusion ties me in knots.

All of these can be weeds in my writing garden, but each of them is joined to the same root.

Fear.

  • When I listen to nay-sayers, I demonstrate that I’m afraid to believe in myself.
  • There are sometimes legitimate seasons when I have to focus on other priorities, but usually when I play the busy card it’s procrastination. I procrastinate because I fear failure or success or both.
  • Giving in to the pull to do nothing as time passes can consume my life if I let it. When I allow inertia sway over me, it is always that I’m afraid to commit.
  • Confusion is often the mask I pull over my fear of trying something new.

As with gardening, if I miss the root, I may break off a weed but it will grow back. I need to use my trowel to remove it. The same trowel works for each of my weeds.

Faith.

Once the weeds are cleared I can prepare the ground to build something. The first step in building an effective social media platform is believing in both the gift within you and the Giver who provided it.

Sometimes in adversity weeds come out more easily. When things go wrong, I’m fully invested in cleaning up my writing garden. But it’s really the vision for the sublime creation my hands can produce that brings forth fruit. Fortunately, that doesn’t have to happen in the rain.

This is the first post in a series on building a social media platform. You can subscribe to receive notification of my future posts next to my image in the sidebar.

Can you think of other weeds common to writers? Are some tougher to remove than others?

Posted on

His Words, Not Mine

Insecurity was a daily battle for me as Book One slowly unfolded. Sentence by sentence, page by page, the words and story poured from me. I tasted fear with my characters, laughed at their jokes, cried in their heartbreak.

You never write a book without pouring yourself into every facet. As Ernest Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at the typewriter and bleed.” It’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it? My insecurities constantly surfaced: You can’t do this. No one will want to read this. It will never get published. Just stop now.

But I had a story to tell.

So I began every writing day with this prayer: Your words, Father. Not mine. And slowly, red turned to black on the page until I typed the final words: THE END. Sweetest thing ever written.

Insecurities equal self-focused writing. It was time to refocus. But before I could do anything, I first had to remember that this was not my story to tell. In Exodus 4:10-11, Moses receives a command from the Lord to go and speak to Pharaoh. His insecurities came out full force, and he complained to the Lord. I mean, Moses literally gave every excuse in the book. “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”

I love the Lord’s response in the next verse: “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.’”

Who made your mouth, writer? Who gave you hands to type, eyes to observe, and a brain for creative thinking? Wasn’t it the Lord? What idea can you claim on your own? What dream has come to fruition without His hand in the midst of the journey?

Write in faith, knowing that the Lord will use it for His glory if He has truly called you to this career. Success as the world defines it is rarely success as the Lord defines it, but He will use this gift in ways you will never see and understand. Your job is to be obedient. Write.

Every time your hands hover over the keys, remember Who made your mouth. Get your heart right and commit every word to Him. As the words flow onto the page, remember the One who stirred the stories in your heart and the characters in your mind in the first place.

“…for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45b

As writers, we pour ourselves into every story, but they are stories we ultimately can’t take credit for. When I finished my first book, I looked back at the journey and couldn’t believe the result. 85,000 words. Countless hours. So much prayer. I have no idea where it all came from, but He Who called me to this field is faithful.  I will be faithful to do this as long as He allows. All the credit goes to Him. I never could have finished alone.

As I begin the next book and the next, I will continue to pray the Lord gives me the words that others may need to hear, the stories that will tell of the hope, dreams, and adventure that come from following a good God. Will you join me as we commit our writing journeys to the master Author?

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

Posted on

A Lesson from Nature: First, Do No Harm

Just ask the animals, and they will teach you.
Ask the birds of the sky, and they will tell you.
Speak to the earth, and it will instruct you.
Let the fish in the sea speak to you.
(Job 12:7-8 NLT)

Observing the wild animals near my home in central Arkansas this past summer reminded me how powerful maternal instincts can be in animals and in humans. And as I watched a doe with her fawn in my backyard, I shot  several awesome pictures.

I also spent several days with my daughter when she faced emergency surgery. As she recovered, I helped her care for her four small children.

First, do no harm. As a writing instructor, I’m often reminded of the Latin phrase Primum non nocere, which means “First, do no harm.” I’m well aware of the risk that my intervention might do more harm than good to the writer and to her work, as I wield my red pen. I also see the value of this truth in other areas of life.

… Have you watched as deer are born in the wild? Do you know how many months they carry their young? Are you aware of the time of their delivery? They crouch down to give birth to their young and deliver their offspring. Their young grow up in the open fields, then leave home and never return. (Job 39:1-4)

I captured a video of a doe hovering over her fawn in my backyard. But I watched from a distance to avoid disturbing their peace. During the hottest part of a summer day, the doe nudged her fawn along the property boundary of my backyard.

I peeked out the window several times that day, and I noticed the ears of the fawn twitching under the brush. I didn’t realize until later that evening that the doe was just a few feet away out of my view behind a tree, watching over her spotted little one.

What did I do to help this doe protect her fawn? Nothing. Any movement toward her would have been perceived as a threat by the fawn and her mother.

As I tiptoed out on my deck later that day to capture this scene on my camera again, the doe did not run away. She turned her head toward me with her ears perked up and tail twitching. She stomped one hoof and snorted to see if I would move. But while she was watching me, she kept a watchful eye on her fawn. And the fawn stayed close to her mother, watching her body language for direction.


Watch my words. I understand that my presence disturbs the peace of a doe with her fawn. But often, I’m not aware of my unwelcome intervention, even with my own family. I may believe my helpful advice is needed and even expected. But sometimes my unsolicited verbal support may do more harm than good.

As I related my observations of nature to my own life experiences, I recalled the many times that my own mother gave me unsolicited help or advice. Most of our conflicts came as we faced our unreasonable expectations of each other, our undefined boundaries, or our personal limitations.

Will I ever learn this lesson and stop reacting with my emotions when I see a need with my own adult children? I hope so. But often it takes a crisis to get my attention.

How many of us does it take to put together a toy basketball goal?

Reap a harvest of blessing. As I celebrate this season, I’m grateful for the beautiful examples of God’s creation all around me—the landscape, sunrises and sunsets, and even the wild animals. But I’m most thankful that God continues to reveal the truths I need, so my words and actions can be a blessing, instead of a curse, to my family.

Observing my children and the lessons in nature around me, I’m reminded once again that sometimes it may be best to choose not to do something, or do nothing at all, than to risk causing more harm with my actions or words.

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up” (Gal. 6:9).

Have you ever chosen to do (or say) nothing at all, rather than cause harm by doing (or saying) something?